It’s just about show time. Peak week has officially begun. That means seven days away from stepping on stage again. And boy are the nerves on edge. I’m nervous. I’m not sure I’ll ever be the type that walks into a show with full confidence. I’ll always wonder if I could have done more. I gave it my all. I know that. But I still feel like I could be bigger; I could be leaner; I could be more symmetrical. BUT, I can say I’m excited. I’m tired and I’m hurting. Every day is draining and a struggle. But I can’t wait to see it all come together. Changes are coming daily and that keeps me pushing. I know I’m bringing a different package. I worked hard during improvement season and I can’t wait to see what was accomplished. And I get to spend a weekend with my family. I haven’t seen my “sister” in years (in person). And I see my mom and step-dad maybe once a year. So spending the weekend with them makes this trip worth it, no matter what.

I’m pretty much all packed up. Let’s be honest, if you know me you know I’ve been packed for weeks. The anxiety and love of packing had me getting ready quite early. (If you want to see more about my packing and favorite items, hop on over to www.skyscrapersandsubways.com and follow along on my trips!) I have all of my stuff ready to go for the week following the show. That way I can just relax the day we get home. I don’t really want to come home and have to do chores. So I pretty much have nothing to do for the next week, lol. Except to sit and reflect.

It’s hard not to become consumed by prep; especially when I get this close. I spend a lot of time thinking about it. I think about where I’m at. I think about what I have left to do. I think about how badly I want it to come together. I do a lot of reflecting. I feel like this prep has been the hardest so far. Physically I felt like I was slow to get started. I am comfortable with where I am now and what I’m bringing to the stage. But it seemed to be more of a struggle. BUT, I think mentally it was the hardest. Self imposed. Last year I went into Greater Gulf for my first time back to the stage in over a year. I was coming off a year of recovery and all I cared about what was proving I had healed and I was going to be better than I had previously been. Rolling into USAs last year I had zero expectations. All I wanted was to prove I belonged on a National stage. I brought home the overall at Greater Gulf and then third at USAs. So I guess I belonged. And that added a new level of stress and expectation for this show. I was successful and close to going Pro. So I better come in better this time, right? PLUS, I have family coming in to watch and support me!!! I know they are proud no matter what. I know my mom is just happy to see me. But come on, who doesn’t want the big win when their mom is there to see it?! All of this added a new layer of stress. I used it to drive me. I used it to push me harder each day. No regrets. No looking back and saying, “I should have just pushed a little more.” I had to give it 100% every single day. I’m not mad at the extra pressure. But I sure am glad to almost be past it. I can’t wait to get there, get back on stage, and see some dreams come true!!!