There is no doubt that things are really stressful right now. I feel like I go to bed every night having survived the worst of it, only to wake up and find it continuing or getting harder. And I’ll admit, some days it seems like I’ve hit the breaking point.

The world is in an upheaval and it doesn’t look like it’s going to calm down anytime soon. The future of my 9-5 job is unknown at the moment. There’s a family illness that’s taking a toll. Friends are going through some rough situations and I can’t do anything to fix it for them. As I said, we’re all dealing with some stress things are a bit difficult at the moment.

BUT, the good news is it doesn’t have to be this way. It doesn’t have to be so difficult. There ARE ways to find positives in the negatives. Don’t get me wrong, I’m NOT the type of person that is always in a good mood and smiling. In fact, I’m pretty well known for my RBF. I’m not the overly cheerful person running around always laughing BUT I’m also not the type to sulk in my mood when things aren’t great. I do not like to be in a bad mood. So over the years, I’ve found the following works to help me see things differently when it seems it’s all going to hell.

1. FIND THE LEARNING OPPORTUNITY. In theory, it seems so obvious and easy, right? Yeah, I know. But hear me out. More often than not there is an opportunity to learn something in each situation. I would almost be willing to say this is always true. Sometimes you might have to dig a little to find it. But I bet there’s something to learn that allows you to grow or better handle similar situations in the future.
   I mentioned my 9-5 job is sort of on the line at the moment. In October last year, I left a secure job I had been at for many years to be a contractor with another company. I was assigned to a big company that I was hoping would eventually turn into a full-time spot. But now that the economy is struggling cuts are coming and as with most companies, contractors are the first to go. And nobody is really hiring…so it will be difficult to find something soon. I started my first job at the age of 15 and I’ve worked ever since. The idea of being unemployed has my stress levels through the roof. I’ve been forced to take a step back and really look at what I’m doing and what I want to be doing. What I’ve learned is I want to be doing something different. I’ve learned that the 9-5 job really isn’t my passion and will never give me the life I’ve always fantasized about having. Working for myself is the only way I want it to be. And so I’ve also learned some new skills to ensure that is my future. I don’t have everything figured out exactly. And I don’t have a plan B finalized that will make up for the loss in income. But this scary situation has allowed me to learn what I do what and what it will take to make it happen.
   

2. KNOW THAT IT COULD BE WORSE. I am NOT the type of person that believes because others have it worse than you that you don’t have a right to be upset by your situation. The fact that it could always be worse does not diminish your experience and your emotions. That being said, could it be worse? Sometimes just taking a step back and looking at how much worse it could be is enough for me to see that I’m going to make it through this. I’ll stick with the potential job loss example. When I start to get overwhelmed at the fact that I might be out of work soon I step back and realize that I have a bit set aside in savings. I have a few side hustles in mind to help me until the real back up works out…rather until the real back up is figured out. So I won’t be living in a cardboard box or bumming it with friends right away. My situation isn’t ideal and I’m scared, but it could certainly be worse.

3. FIND THE GRATITUDE. How the hell are you supposed to find gratitude when the world around you is falling apart? Simply look around. I will likely lose my good paying job soon but I’m grateful for the skills I’ve developed over my many years. We’ve all been forced to work from home and remain in isolation for many months. But I’m grateful for the extra time it’s provided me to work on other projects and hobbies. I have an amazing relationship, two adorable (although spiled and sassy) cats, and a supportive family and network of friends. Sure, things are rough and difficult and tensions in the house are HIGH most days. But I look around and there is so much good in my life still. I have a great deal to be grateful for.

4. WHERE WILL THIS RATE IN FIVE YEARS? Five years from now will you look back at this event and still feel like it was worth the energy of being upset? Will you even look back at this event in five years? This might not be something that works in every situation. As I mentioned in the beginning, we’re dealing with a family illness. Ther’s a chance that five years from now we will look back and it will absolutely still be an issue. While we are doing everything possible to prevent the worst, should it happen, I’ll start with step one. But if I think about the job situation, I have every intention of looking back in five years and saying, “losing my job was the best thing that happened to me. I’m finally living the life I want to live.” Where will you be in five years?

5. OWN TODAY. Don’t think about where you have to be in a year, in a month, even tomorrow. Think about each day separately. Wake up, set the plan, find the positive, and own today. Then start fresh tomorrow. When we think about the end and how much longer the journey might be it’s very easy to get distracted and overwhelmed. The steps seem never-ending. Don’t think about how much is left. Think about how much has already been accomplished, but mostly just think about today. All you have to do is make it through today. Tell yourself that every morning and before you realize it you’ve reached the end and happiness is upon you.

   BONUS!!!

6. MEDITATE. This isn’t necessarily about finding the positive in a negative situation. But learning to meditate will absolutely help to lessen the stress of the negative. Personally, I find that clearing my head does allow me to see the positives. But at a minimum, it will allow you to decompress for a bit and let your body and mind reset. When we’re stressed our cortisol levels are elevated (that whole fight or flight response). Mediating brings those levels down and gives you the opportunity to see things a bit more clearly.

It’s easy, and sometimes necessary to sit with our frustrations and depression and feel them. We can’t always look for the brighter side without acknowledging our reality. It’s unhealthy to bury those emotions and pretend they don’t exist. But it’s also unhealthy to live in the negative for long periods of time. We our it ourselves to be happy.

Are there any useful tips you’ve found that you want to share? I’d love to hear your ideas for finding a positive in a negative situation.