I’m sitting here at my computer on Saturday morning getting ready to go do my fasted cardio. I’m doing an online spin class (I have the Echelon spin bike) and it starts in about 20 minutes. So I thought I’d take a moment to catch up on my emails and a few things. Plus, I’m up earlier than planned because my precious Peanut Butter thought it would be nice to sit outside the bedroom door and scream ALL NIGHT LONG. So now I’m up. And now he’s curled up somewhere sleeping. No kidding. Jerk. So anyway, I’m hungry, I’m tired, my feet hurt, and I’m just overall not in the mood to go ride a bike. I’m not in the mood to do anything except go back to bed. The truth is, I don’t feel confident about where my progress is. Even my coach is worried and says we’re behind. I’m very nervous about coming in like I need in three weeks. Three weeks is enough time to make changes. I’m just worried I won’t make enough of the changes.

My upper body is ready. My legs are being stubborn. Like most women, they are always the last to come in. I know this. I just also know they are not showing the definition they were last year, this close to the show. Benji points out that the only place left for my body to lose fat is in my lower body. It simply has no choice. Everywhere else is pretty shredded. Good point. So everything I lose over the next three weeks will come from my lower body. And just between you and I, I’m pretty sure these spin classes have my legs staying inflamed and holding water. These instructors are beasts. There’s no doubt I’m working my booty off. And if I go a few days of not doing the bike and doing something different, I do actually see a little change in them. So between the next three weeks of fat burning, my legs recovering, and my body drying out there is a chance I’ll pull off the look I need. But wow do these nerves get to you.

I’m terrified of getting up there and looking like I don’t belong. But I’m mostly afraid of letting so many people down. I don’t want to let my coach down. His reputation is also on the line. Benji has given up a lot to help me make this weekend happen. I don’t want to let him down. My family is coming to support me from out of state. I don’t want them to go through all the trouble to not see me at my best. There’s a lot of fear of being a disappointment. And that certainly doesn’t help.

There are really only two things I can do. I can do my best to stay calm and trust in my work. And I can continue to push through. Anything different from those two would be setting myself up for failure. The more I stress the harder it will be to come in on point. My fat burning will decrease. My water retention will increase. Stressing for the next three weeks will almost ensure I will NOT be my best on stage. And giving anything less than 100% will do the same. I’ve given it my all this entire prep. So all I can do is dig deep and continue to do it. Let’s be honest, three weeks will fly by. Before I know it, and before I’m ready, we’ll be loading up the car and heading to SC. I need to focus on the excitement of it. I’m going to see my mom and step dad. I maybe see them once a year. I get to see my “sister”. I haven’t seen her face in person in multiple years. Poor Benji is giving up his birthday for this, but we’ll get to celebrate with a nice dinner in a new location. That’s something we like doing anyway. No matter what, this will be a good weekend. So for the next three weeks it’s head down, feet to the ground, and pushing with all I have. Because the celebrations are on the horizon.